Solitary Me

I was trying to define who I am and discovered that it's kinda hard to do. I came up with the basics:

Black. Female. Asexual (mostly). Boisterously loud - often to hide my fear of being...black...female...alone. I would say that I contradict my own expectations.

Then I began to work out this kinda poem. It's definitely a rough draft but I think it says more about who I am than any prose I've come up with. Enjoy.

Solitary

Alone - a chosen state.
Alone - my incurable malady.
I seek solitude because it is the safe place for me.

I despise my solitary state
because it is the safe choice,
the easy choice,
the way that guarantees freedom -
and boredom.

Freedom, a double-edged sword of convenience.
Am I really free or safely secured behind my loneliness?
What is the difference between alone and lonely?
Is there even really a difference?

I tell myself that I am not alone,
I am not lonely,
I am simply solitary.

copyright 2007